this is how it starts

For the past cou­ple of nights get­ting my daugh­ter to go to sleep has been ridicu­lously hard. Our usual rou­tine is to fin­ish up din­ner, brush teeth, change dia­pers, get into PJs and then read a book or two. Some­times we don’t even read a book. My son usu­ally drifts off to sleep with­out much effort. We nurse and he ends up asleep within min­utes. My daugh­ter nurses, unlatches, flaps her arms, kicks her legs, talks, sings, any­thing to keep her­self awake. Tonight I had had enough. I had been try­ing to get her to sleep for over an hour and she wasn’t show­ing any signs of giv­ing in any­time soon. I told her that nurse had gone to sleep and that she needed to go to sleep too. She whined and com­plained and I told her over and over again that nurse had gone to sleep and that she could have nurse once she woke up. Then she started telling me “up, up, up” to let me know that she was up and that she wanted to nurse.

I stood up with her and swayed and rubbed her back and shushed. She’d put her head down for a few min­utes and then start com­plain­ing again. I con­tin­ued to reas­sure her that she was fine and that she needed to go to sleep. Within min­utes she stopped lif­ing up her head and I heard her breath­ing slow and she melted into me. I stood there with her in my arms for a few more min­utes to ensure that she was indeed asleep and then shuf­fled over to the bed and gen­tly laid her down. I glanced at the time and it took 27 min­utes to get her to fall asleep. I’ve been reluc­tant to start this but over­all it was fairly painless.

After I left the room I felt a jum­ble of emo­tions. Happy that I got her to go to sleep. Exhausted from lack of sleep. Guilty because I don’t like refus­ing her requests. Sad because she is no longer a tiny baby that needs me as tiny babies do. I look for­ward to hav­ing my body be my own again. This is the first step on the path to wean­ing her.

Related posts:

  1. a test of endurance
  2. soap bub­bles
  3. a change in bed­time routine
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