I sat there for about 30 minutes feeling anxious wondering why my grandfather was calling me. My dad called me back to tell me that my grandfather was just fine. He was calling from his cellphone and didn’t have his hearing aid in so he couldn’t hear me. He wanted to ask me if I wanted my grandmother’s china. I was relieved and surprised. The only thing of my grandmother’s that I asked for and received was a token ceramic figurine that I have fond memories of, it is the shape of a dog and my grandmother would use it to rest her glasses on. It now sits at my desk at work and I use it everyday. I’ve been very careful to not ask for anything else.

It surprised me that I was being offered my grandmother’s china. I am the only granddaughter and my children are the only great grandchildren so I guess it makes sense that I would be asked first. It just never occured to me to ask for it. As a matter of fact I could not even remember what the set looked like. Try as I might I could not summon an image of it. The only set I could remember was an anniversary set my grandmother received for their 50 wedding anniversary and there is no way I’d be offered that.

Last week my dad dropped off the china set and I took a peek. It is a fairly basic pattern, cream and blue with gold trim. I’d be proud to have it on my table. The only thing that pains me is that it will have to be hand-washed due to the gold trim. We don’t have much in the way of stuff that must be hand-washed. The same goes for clothes that must be dry cleaned or ironed for that matter.

I now own an 8 piece set of china that will be relegated to special occasions. We don’t live like that. I need to have stuff that we can use everyday. If this needs to be packed away then I will never use it and it will sit unused gathering dusk in our crawl space. My mom wants me to keep it and pass it on to the Smoochie; but that will be decades from now!

What do you do with sentimental items that you don’t feel comfortable using. We are trying so hard to pare down what we have to items that we love and use everyday so keeping this china for Christmas doesn’t jive with how we want to live. Tell me, what you have done with stuff you have inherited?

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After lunch we walked back home and some time left to get down to business. It is a rare treat that we are alone in the house together so we made use of our time wisely. *wink wink*. There are many projects that we could have tackled but spending the day reconnecting was what we needed. Yes, we need to set up the kids’ room so that they can move in there and out of our room. We could have started to get the garden ready for planting or cleared out the office or any of the one hundred other to-do items of the ever expanding list; but we both decided that we needed time for us. I still cringe when I think about all the half finished and not-yet-started projects but time together is so rare and I think that we both benefit from refocusing on “us” that I can rationalize putting off the chores. I also think that it is important that we show the kids that we are putting our marriage as a priority and that means that we have to set aside to work on our marriage just as we do for everything else.

I’m already plotting our next afternoon together. What do you do to stay connected with your spouse?

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3. a kid-free night!

Valentine’s Day was just a few days ago. I don’t consider this to be a kid friendly holiday. In school I remember making the little mailbox to hang off my desk. I remember whining because my mom had bought the wrong cards, I had wanted Scooby Doo and instead I got generic cards. I recall watching the other students as we went around the room dropping off our cards, trying to count to see how many cards I would get. Even though we were supposed to give a card to each student there were those that got extra special cards. I would get so disappointed to see that my mailbox only contained cards that has hastily scribbled names; not seeing the irony that all the cards I have out were filled out under duress as I sat at the kitchen table rushing to finish so I could watch Dukes of Hazzard.

As an adult I find myself torn as to the status of this as a real holiday. Flowers are ridiculously over-priced and I don’t want to eat cheap heart shaped chocolates. I have stopped buying gift cards all together because I think it is a waste of money to buy them only to glance at them, chuckle at the cartoon and then throw them away. But I do want the romance that I think goes with this holiday. I want to be wooed. What I’m missing is that I’m wooed everyday. Each time I find my phone fully charged or come down in the morning to find my coffee made, the coffee he doesn’t drink, I’m being wooed. It is there, but I want more. A fully charged cellphone is nice but I want something a little more romantic. I blame the movies for my unrealistic expectations.

Saturday I asked if we could go out for dinner and we ended up going to our favourite Mexican place. We went early so we wouldn’t have to wait. We got the kids seated, we ordered and the waiter dropped off the chips and salsa as well as some crayons and paper. The kids were engrossed in colouring and nibbled away on chips but there was no romance. It is hard to have any kind of adult conversation when trying to keep the kids from eating crayons instead of chips. Or keeping them on the chairs when the wants to run around the room and check out the kitchen. This restaurant only has one highchair and it was being used. We went through the trouble of putting our highchairs in the car but once we got into the restaurant my husband thought it would be fine just letting the kids sit on regular chairs.

The restaurant was packed and it took a while for our food to show up. The kids were done with colouring and chips were no longer holding their attention. Our food arrived and I got to sit and eat with a squirming girl in my lap, trying to keep her from knocking over my drink or burning herself on the plate. I really didn’t know why I thought that this would be a good idea. The husband seeing my mounting distress took the girl on his lap while I rushed to eat my food. This is so not what I had in mind. I sit here writing this after the fact and I waffle between whining and admonishing myself. What did I think was going to happen? It is my own fault for taking the kids out to eat. All I wanted was a nice dinner out, is that too much to ask? They won’t be this little for long and there will be lots of time to have dinner out. Waaaa!

We survived the dinner, it wasn’t a catastrophe, just not what I wanted. I wanted a little bit of magic. I’m realizing that I need to make my own magic. I could have picked a different restaurant or I could have arranged to have my parents watch the kids while we went out. I need to stop waiting for the Hollywood romance to magically appear, I make it happen if it is important to me.

I’m not normally into Easter but I think that it could be a lot of fun for the kids. I have great memories searching for eggs and munching on chocolate and I need to be the one to make that happen for our kids. They deserve to have a those memories too. I need to make the magic happen instead of wishing for it. My refrain at work is that “I’m a technician not a magician” but I’m realizing that I need to work on my magic skills. Not just for the kids but for myself too.

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We have a shelf but buying a tiny live tree just doesn’t seem right. We don’t have a safe area to put up a regular sized tree unless we put it in the kitchen but then I won’t be able to cook. The other option is to wait and put it up on Christmas Eve but we are going to my father-in-law’s house so we won’t be home to do it. The time crunch is a factor plus the cost. Last year we bought a smallish tree and paid almost $55! I know that we could buy a bargain tree but I hate they way they look plus they are usually quite dry and drop a ton of needles.

This is going to be the last year that Christmas is quiet. The kids have no idea what it is so we can get away with having one last subdued Christmas.

I’m all for adapting my holiday traditions and I’m looking forward to creating new holiday traditions with the kids and hin. For me the tree was always a big deal. Next year will be fun to get the kids to help decorate the tree. I think that for this year I’ll get the kids to help me bake cookies and I’ll have to look to see if I can find some non-ugly decorations for the house.

What holiday traditions do you do with your kids?

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