Raincity Mama » sleep is for the weak

a change in bedtime routine

Sandi — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:25:32 +0000

We did it! We’ve finally made it to the stage where we can read stories, kiss the kids goodnight and walk out of the room with them awake. My daughter will occasionally complain loudly (read whimper, whine, or cry) but if I tell them that I need to go potty, do laundry, or help Daddy they usually snuggle down and I don’t hear a peep from them. On night when my husband puts them to bed it’s even easier. Something about me being out of the house or “sleeping” makes it even easier for him to get them to bed.

I was really hesitant to write about this for fear that the sleep gods would scoff at my cockiness in writing this and throw us in to a massive sleep regression. But the thing I’ve learned is that there will always be sleep regressions. So please sleep gods, I’m not scoffing! Please consider this as a tip of my hat and let us carry on with this fabulous new routine.

Edited to add that tonight there was a false start in putting the kids to bed. I read stories and said I had to do some laundry and my daughter complained bitterly that I wasn’t there holding her hand. The husband went in to try to settle her but no dice. I went back in and sat with her for a few minutes and then said I had to go and it’s been silent ever since. Thank you sleep gods!

Toddler beds

Sandi — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 18:55:45 +0000

It’s been two weeks since the kids transitioned from sharing a queen sized mattress on the floor to their own twin beds that will eventually get stacked to bunk beds. There were only two bed bars and initially we left them off. Any guesses how many nights until one of them fell out? Two! Smoochie fell out the second night! We put both bars on her bed because she is the more restless sleeper. A second set of bars have been made by my father-in-law but we’re waiting for them to finish off-gassing the shellac; they stink!

So no real trauma from moving to their own beds. My hope was that I’d be able to tuck them in a walk out and it’s no surprise that that hasn’t magically happened yet. So I sit between their beds until they fall asleep & tiptoe out. I know eventually they’ll go to sleep on their own. I won’t have to go to college with them. Right?

Big Beds

Sandi — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 08:00:17 +0000

Tonight is the kids’ first night in big beds! We’ve been talking a while about moving them into toddler beds but to be honest I’ve been procrastinating (I know! Shut up! Not at all surprising given how infrequently I post here). Let me back track & talk about the whole bed situation because really, I can’t remember what I’ve writen about on here.

Before the babies were born I bought a co-sleeper thing. (if I weren’t writting this on my phone I’d insert a link here showing you what kind it was but it’s too hard so I won’t) The thing with the co-sleeper is that the kids didn’t really care for it much. We were also given a crib & if I thought they didn’t like the co-sleeper thing, well they hated the crib. I remember trying to put down a limp, wet noodle baby only to have them wake up crying. It didn’t matter how deep a sleep they were in, they’d wake up.

My husband would get frustrated & figured he was “doing it wrong” so I ended up being the one to put them to sleep. Eventually it turned into just plain fatigue so I’d lay down & nurse them to sleep. Well, that was awesome! Until I’d try to get up & leave the room. It took me a while but I did figure out how to escape.

When the kids were somewhere between 18 months old & 2 years old I decided that I’d had enough of sleeping sandwiched between the two of them & it was time to move them to their own room. My husband rejoiced & moved into planning mode excited to once again sleep next to me.

We decided that since our arrangement at the time was two queen sized mattresses on the floor, we’d just move one mattress into their room & voilà it’d be done! Well, not so fast! When you have a babies’ room that never gets used as a babies’ room it ends up filled with junk. All that junk had to leave so that we could move the kids out of our room & into theirs.

Just after they turned 2 we finally had it ready. The momentous day came. We sent the kids off to my parents’ house & scrambled to move all that junk. Before we knew it, it was time to go pick up the kids. We brought them home and at the top of the stairs instead of going down the hall we opened the forbidden door, erm I mean the door to their new room! They were excited, this was a room they never really knew existed. We settled in & I nurse them to sleep.

Within a few short weeks, hell maybe even days (I can’t remember) they were night weaned & sleeping through the night! This was momentous stuff! Over two years of consistent sleep deprivation takes it’s toll. I’m not sure I’ve really caught up on sleep yet to be honest.

Months of me nursing them to sleep & then slipping out of the room. The mattress on the floor was perfect for this! I’d get asked if my kids wouldn’t just get up & run around but the answer is no! I don’t know if it’s just because they don’t know any different or if they just haven’t figured it out yet, but they really don’t get out of bed. So lucky!

Where was I? Yes, still nursing them to sleep. I ended up getting the flu shortly before they were 2.5. I’d been lucky & hadn’t really gotten sick up to that point but that flu really knocked me out. I just couldn’t nurse them to sleep. So I told them that there’d be “no more nurse”. They protested a bit but it only took a few days until they’d stop asking for it.

Yahoo right? Kind of. I still had to go lay down with them to get them to sleep. I don’t usually talk about how I do this because whenever I do people say that I’m nuts. Well, guess what? I am! This is what worked for my family. This was the choice we made & when it stopped working for us we made a new choice.

Big beds. Right. My father-in-law has the bunkbeds my husband & sister-in-law grew up using & offered them to us. Thrilled to not have to dole out the money for two beds we said yes! The only thing I insisted on is that the beds don’t get stacked for a while. Three is just too young in my opinion for stacked bunkbeds.

Well, I’ve run out of steam telling this story so I’m going to stop here and post the rest next time. Plus it will enable me to find out how the first morning with big beds goes. Later!

moving day!

Sandi — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 14:46:58 +0000

The day came and we (finally!) moved the kids into their own room. We have co-slept with the kids since they were born. Even in the hospital I’d sneak a baby into my bed. It was just so much easier to nurse them having them right next to me and I got more sleep!

As they grew older they’d go through growth spurts, either physical or emotional and I’d tell my husband that I’d had it and that we were moving them out. He’d support me and ask me to formulate a plan and then he’d help. We’d get through the spurt and the kids would settle back to an acceptable sleeping pattern.

We are at the tail end of another growth spurt that has been particularly difficult. That coupled with the fact that they will sleep for longer stretches if I’m not in the room made the decision to move them into their own room easier. Another huge deciding factor is that I want to sleep with my husband again!

Let me explain. We had two queen size mattresses on the floor in our room. I slept on one mattress with the kids and my husband slept on the other. There were times when one of the kids would go cuddle with him but for the most part they slept next to me. I’ve come to realize that I haven’t been making my husband a priority and I think that sleeping next to him is a pretty big step in the right direction.

The kids have always had a room but they had never slept in it. I’m not sure what I’d envisioned. We had always intended that they would sleep in our room as newborns but we never had a plan for moving them out. Their room had a crib in it for a while. It came in handy for holding clothes and toys for the babies! We tried the crib for a while once the babies got too big to sleep side-by-side in the co-sleeper attached to our bed. I’d lay our son down in the crib and he’d immediately start squawking. It didn’t matter how long I rocked him as soon as his head touched the mattress he’d complain.

The transition went smoother than I expected. The first night we had been out and the kids fell asleep in the car so I slept in their room with them. The next night we went upstairs and ushered them into their “new room!” and had new stuffed animals there to greet them. For the next few days they were quite excited and they talked about their room often.

It has been almost two weeks now and my daughter now sleeps through the night!!! and my son sleeps a six or seven hour stretch. I think we lucked out with timing it right and really, I think that the kids were ready and able to handle it. Plus, the husband and I actually sleep together again! At this rate, we’re going to actually have to start using birth control again!

nst nst nst nst

Sandi — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:27:37 +0000

At work we were talking about sleep, or lack thereof, and being tired. I tried telling my co-workers that I win at being tired. I’m a professional at walking around sleep deprived. They didn’t believe me so I told them what it means to be really tired.

When the babies where newborns it was hard. I’ve blocked out forgotten a lot about those early days but I do recall that I was always extremely tired. I’m surprised that I didn’t spontaneously fall asleep. I remember being in my room trying to nap while my parents or husband were watching the kids. I remember feeling frustrated hearing the rythmic thump of house music pump away while I tried to drift off to sleep. This went on for days, maybe weeks, I’m not really sure. I remember thinking that it was odd that I’d notice the music when I was trying to sleep but I couldn’t hear it when I was downstairs with the kids. I’d forget about it and carry on with the chaos that was my life.

I finally asked my husband about it one day after it had taking me a long time to fall asleep. He looked confused. He wasn’t playing any music and he said that the neighbours weren’t playing any music. Both of us were quite puzzled and he was a tiny bit worried. I received an email from the multiples group that I belong to and there was a thread about sleep deprivation and one woman wrote about being so tired that she started hearing “things”. I was aghast that anyone would let themselves get so tired that they’d start hearing voices. I told the husband about this poor woman and you should have seen the look on his face. Such a mixture of pity and concern. He pointed out that I was hearing non-existent house music and that I was in fact having auditory hallucinations too.

I was dumbstruck! No, it wasn’t something I could be in denial about. I was hearing this music and it was not real. My husband and parents tried to ensure that I’d be able to get naps in more often and the hallucinations went away. I’m still sleep deprived on a daily basis, but it’s getting better. On a good day I get almost four hours of sleep in a row but when the kids are sick I get two to three hours in a row. As long as the music doesn’t start up again I think I’m doing pretty good. I rarely drive, so I’m not worried about falling asleep behind the wheel.

So my announcement to my co-workers that I’ve been so tired that I’ve heard non-existent music was met with smirks and weird looks. It wasn’t until I told them that it was house music that they burst out laughing. Come on, it is funny. I can’t think anyone would fall asleep listening to house music. Now I’m on the lookout for the prankster that is going to start playing house music quietly in their cube in an effort to see me freak out. I’ll just bob my head along to the nst nst nst beat, feeling thankful that those days are behind me and I have the ability to laugh at what was a very tiring phase of my life.

What is the most tired you’ve ever been? Have you ever experienced auditory hallucinations? Come on, share your story.

falling behind

Sandi — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:15:37 +0000

Today is daylight savings and we “spring ahead” but I’m still feeling like I’m falling behind. Today was great, I’m just pooped and that is after a two hour nap for myself. We haven’t made any real headway in getting the kids into their own room let alone getting them to sleep without nursing or pacing. Tonight, the husband took the girl downstairs while I got the boy to sleep. Usually he is asleep within minutes but tonight he struggled to settle down. I slipped out of bed and noticed that the husband and girl are downstairs in the dark. Usually she screams if he tries to get her to go to sleep but tonight all is quiet so I sit here in the office only lit by the glow of my monitor waiting to see if he can get her into bed without her waking up.

It seems like this is harder than it needs to be. I feel like I’ve messed up somewhere along the way and trying to fix it is so hard. I’m so chronically sleep deprived that I can no longer remember what it feels like to be well rested. I am amazed that I could actually sleep this afternoon. Recently I’ve been unable to nap during the day. It is so frustrating to line things up so that I can go upstairs and get time to nap and then lay there in bed tossing and turning or bouncing right on the edge of sleep but still keenly aware of what is going on downstairs. I think I may have to go back to using earplugs.

Bah! Spring is on the way and I’m really looking forward to warmer, sunnier weather. It actually snowed here today? WTF?!? I think that Vancouver gets a light dusting on snow in March so I’m hoping that this is it for the year and we can move on to spring for real. I’m ready to spring ahead!

Night terror or bad dream?

soap bubbles

admin — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 21:25:27 +0000

The other night I struggled to get my daughter to go to sleep. I feel like I’ve let her down. Getting her to go to sleep is such a pain in my ass. She didn’t want to nap that day, my mom struggled to get her to sleep. Finally she fell asleep at 2pm and my mom wanted her to get some sleep so she let her sleep until 4pm. I recognize that napping is important but letting her sleep so late in the day just set us up for a ridiculous bedtime. It was 10:15 by the time I got her to sleep and it wasn’t without many tears.

We decided long ago to not do cry-it-out and I feel conflicted about it so much. Am I failing her by not teaching her to sleep? Shouldn’t she be able to put herself to sleep by now? Should I be setting a schedule and sticking to it no matter what? I flip flop about where I stand on this. I don’t want to put her in a room and shut the door leaving her to figure it out. That seems cruel. I’ve been there *every* night since she was born, nursing her to sleep. It seems like she has outgrown the routine but *she* isn’t sure how to give it up. She wants to lay down and nurse but that doesn’t get her to sleep. I’ve been getting the boy to sleep and then getting up with her and going downstairs and pacing in the dark. This “routine” doesn’t really work either. Some nights she puts her head down and drifts off to sleep with little effort. Other nights she talks, kicks her legs and flaps her arms in an effort to stay awake. Her body is tired but her brain is refusing to let her sleep. I wish I could wiggle my nose and she would magically be asleep.

On nights were I’m tired and she is fighting sleep I question the routine the most. I find myself getting so angry and in the light of day it seems silly but downstairs pacing in the dark I feel anger and resentment bubble up inside of me. I’ve read that if I resent something I need to change it but I’m at a loss as to how to move to the next step. I have a vague idea of how to proceed but I feel like executing the change is impossible. I’m tired and angry and that doesn’t seem like the best time to start making changes.

I recognized right away that getting angry isn’t going to help her go to sleep, having someone yell at you to “go to sleep” isn’t going to work. So as I felt the irritation bubble up inside of me I knew I had to diffuse the situation, so I imagined the anger and resentment bubbling out my nose. Now I defy you to imaging bubbles floating out of your nose and to stay angry. It is quite a silly image. I firmed the image in my head and the bubbles were small and compact, tiny and bright. I felt myself start to relax and the bubbles got bigger, bobbing, wiggling, the film holding them together getting thinner and thinner. The bubbles quivered and shook and then popped. I held onto this image until I felt better. It didn’t take long and I felt my body relax. It can’t be conducive to sleep to have someone angry and rigid holding you, trying to lull you to sleep in stiff arms.

My daughter settled down and soon she was asleep. I hesitated to write about this because I hate putting it out there that this is hard and that I’m struggling. Yet another mommy blogger writing a whiny post. But I think that being honest about my parenting experience, the good and the bad, will only help me be a better parent. I’m not perfect and perhaps if I can show my kids how I struggle and still find a way to persevere and have a sense of humor I am doing right by them. So now I have a secret weapon for the next time I’m feeling anger starting to take hold of me. Bubbles, lots and lots of bubbles.

a test of endurance

Sandi — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:06:23 +0000

I still nurse the kids to sleep but for my daughter it is a 50/50 shot as to whether or not she will actually go to sleep without further intervention. This post is about what getting her to sleep looks like.

We lay in the dark and she flaps her arms and unlatches. She rolls over and rubs her eyes and starts to chatter. We came upstairs to bed because she looks exhausted but for some reason her body wants to stay awake. My son is asleep so I pick her up and take her downstairs.

We enter the darkened living room and she says “pick a boook and read?” as I start to pace across the rug. I settle into a comfortable stance and she puts her head down but it pops right back up. “A nurse?” and I sway as I pace the room. I am silent and confident that I can help her go to sleep.

She puts her head back down and I feel her hand fidget. She moves trying to find a comfortable spot to settle in.

Sway, sway, sway.

“A boook and read” is more of a statement that an request and she barely lifts her head. I feel her legs flexing and her hands open and close as her body fights off sleep. I’m tired myself, bedtime has been going on for over an hour, I just want her to go to sleep. I stay quiet but I start to dispare that she will never go to sleep.

Sway, sway, sway.

Her body sinks into me as she starts to drift off to sleep when suddenly her body jolts as if giving one last effort at keeping her awake. I feel a spark of hope.

Sway, sway, sway.

Sweat start to form on her head and her breathing slows and deepens. I stand on the rug swaying with her in my arms. I watch check the clock. I’ve been downstairs with her for 35 minutes. My feet are cold and my back aches but if I try to take her up to bed right now she may wake so I stand there for a few extra minutes.

As the minutes tick past I find myself feeling frustrated that this is turning into our routine. It’s only upon reflection that I can see that this won’t last for long. That one day she will refuse my embrace.

After five minutes pass I creep across the floor and start up the stairs. She barely stirs in my arms. I pad into the bedroom and crawl onto the mattress. My son is still asleep, he has barely moved. I gently lower her body and she sighs as I pull my arms away.

My arms feel weightless after holding her for so long. She is growing so fast, they both are. I watch them sleep for a brief moment before I slip out of the room. I feel happy that I was able to help her get to sleep. We won.

this is how it starts

Sandi — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:36:51 +0000

For the past couple of nights getting my daughter to go to sleep has been ridiculously hard. Our usual routine is to finish up dinner, brush teeth, change diapers, get into PJs and then read a book or two. Sometimes we don’t even read a book. My son usually drifts off to sleep without much effort. We nurse and he ends up asleep within minutes. My daughter nurses, unlatches, flaps her arms, kicks her legs, talks, sings, anything to keep herself awake. Tonight I had had enough. I had been trying to get her to sleep for over an hour and she wasn’t showing any signs of giving in anytime soon. I told her that nurse had gone to sleep and that she needed to go to sleep too. She whined and complained and I told her over and over again that nurse had gone to sleep and that she could have nurse once she woke up. Then she started telling me “up, up, up” to let me know that she was up and that she wanted to nurse.

I stood up with her and swayed and rubbed her back and shushed. She’d put her head down for a few minutes and then start complaining again. I continued to reassure her that she was fine and that she needed to go to sleep. Within minutes she stopped lifing up her head and I heard her breathing slow and she melted into me. I stood there with her in my arms for a few more minutes to ensure that she was indeed asleep and then shuffled over to the bed and gently laid her down. I glanced at the time and it took 27 minutes to get her to fall asleep. I’ve been reluctant to start this but overall it was fairly painless.

After I left the room I felt a jumble of emotions. Happy that I got her to go to sleep. Exhausted from lack of sleep. Guilty because I don’t like refusing her requests. Sad because she is no longer a tiny baby that needs me as tiny babies do. I look forward to having my body be my own again. This is the first step on the path to weaning her.

Night terror or bad dream?

Sandi — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:12:41 +0000

My son woke up and started screaming. I don’t mean the usual squeaks, I mean “holy crap! I need help! Something is really wrong up here” screaming. Both my husband and I bounded up the stairs and rushed into the room. Our son was moving across the bed and still screaming. He has woken up our daughter who was starting to cry too; not that I blame her with the ruckus that was going on.

I picked him up and tried to console him but he was rigid. His eyes were wide open but I don’t think he saw me. I tried stroking his face and whispering in his ear and that had absolutely no response. The husband took him so that I could console her. My husband took him over to the window and raised the blind to see if the light from the street would snap him out of it. He didn’t stop crying but I could see that he was responsive. My husband tucked him back into bed and it took a good 15 minutes to get him to go back to sleep.

I met the husband in the office and we both think that it could have been a night terror. After dinner while we were cleaning up I started laughing because our daughter stepped on some ice and started to hop because it was cold. He didn’t like that I was laughing so he grabbed a piece of ice and started to chase me and try to put it down my shirt or pants. I shrieked and laughed and tried to get away. Our son was frozen and looked scared and even though I tried reassuring him that I was fine he started to cry. I forget that he is such a sensitive soul. I thought all was well because he stopped crying and I changed him into his pajamas and we headed to bed.

Needless to say both my husband and I feel horrible. To think that us goofing around scared him so much that he took that energy to bed makes me quite sad. I forget that this age they have no concept about pretend, everything is real. No more rough play in front of the kids. I don’t want to deal with any more night terrors.