Raincity Mama

puppy dog glasses holder that belonged to my grandmother

My last remain­ing grand­par­ent died on Wednes­day morn­ing. My Papa. My grand­par­ents were mar­ried in 1944. My grand­mother died a year and a half ago so if my math is right they were mar­ried for 64 years. We held our breaths because not many men out­live their wives and it seems that most men die shortly after their wives. I fig­ured that since he made it past the one year anniver­sary that he’d be fine.

After my grandmother’s death I was really wor­ried about my Papa. My grand­mother suf­fered from Alzheimer’s for many years. My Papa hid just how sick my grand­mother was for a while but even­tu­ally it became really evi­dent how far the ill­ness had pro­gressed but he refused help car­ing for her.

After her death he became quite sick. I know that every­one wor­ried about him. I guess set­ting aside all of his needs for so long meant that once the pres­sure that he was under dis­ap­peared his body now it was ok to get sick. He was hos­pi­tal­ized for a while. He never went back to the house that he lived in with my grandmother.

Tonight my dad asked me to head over to my grandparent’s house to help him go through the stuff that was left. After my grand­mother died my grand­fa­ther slowly worked through my grandmother’s belong­ing. I asked for and received a glasses holder. It now sits on my desk at work and I use it every­day. It is so nice to have some­thing that I use that she used too.

I entered the house and imme­di­ately the smell took me back to my child­hood. It is remark­able how I can go from being a grown 37 year old mother to two, to being eight years old again. My aunt and uncle have already started pack­ing up the house so it wasn’t exactly how I remem­bered it but it was sur­real enough that I expected either of my grand­par­ents to come around the cor­ner. I opened and closed cup­boards and draw­ers try­ing to find a con­nec­tion to them. Most of the stuff that was left over is junk but I found a few things. A book of Rob­bie Burns poetry that was given to my grand­par­ents on their first wed­ding anniversary.

me, 1981 and today

I drifted into the spare bed­room that I slept in when­ever I was lucky enough to sleep over. There I found stacks of pic­tures that col­lect over the years. One of the first I found was a school pic­ture of myself from 1981! I stood in the bath­room admir­ing all the shells that my grand­mother col­lected as I posed for the pic­ture you see here. Again I expected her to pop her head around the cor­ner ask­ing me if I wanted a snack.

I made my way down­stairs to the rec room, which held a pool table that we were only allowed to play on once we could lean over it to prop­erly rack the balls. Most of the lit­tle things that dec­o­rated the room were already packed. I would have loved to have brought home one of the bar puz­zles that I played with as a child but I could not find any. I stood at the thresh­old to the laun­dry room. I was for­bid­den to go in there as a child and I hes­i­tated to go in now. Would my Papa be ok with it? My dad found me stand­ing out­side the room and laughed at me for dal­ly­ing. I saw the real rea­son why I wasn’t allowed in there, it was where my Papa stored all the tools and fer­til­iz­ers he used in the garden.

My dad and I locked up the house and headed to get some ice cream. I still felt like I was stuck in a time warp. As the two of us sat and chat­ted I felt myself com­ing back into my 37 year old self. I noticed that my dad is get­ting older too. I am so glad that my par­ents are active in my children’s lives! I have the best mem­o­ries of spend­ing time with my grand­par­ents and I hope that my kids will look back fondly too.

I have no idea how to wrap this up. I think I will just say I love you Papa and leave it at that.